Hi Everyone! I hope you’re having a beautiful day.
One of the biggest influences on my “spiritual” life (aka my life) in recent memories has been Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar who writes and speaks about spirituality from a mystic’s perspective (a mysticism that anyone can embrace, though, not just saints, Bible heroes, or whatever). A point that he emphasizes time and again, which I think is especially relevant for us all, is that we seem naturally predisposed or conditioned to think of and view the world in terms of “either”/”or,” yet this is generally unhelpful and life, the universe, and everything usually makes more sense when we think of and view the world in terms of “both”/”and.” We try and fit people, events, philosophies, countries, products, etc. into neat little boxes. We designate them as either “this” or “that.” For instance: Terrorists are bad and Americans are good, the other political party is wrong and ours is right, communism is terrible and capitalism is great, Andriods suck and iPhones rule, etc. These distinctions have their utility, sexual abuse is never, ever good for instance, but they fail to take into account that the abuser is a beautiful human being with an important story too. Both/and thinking, however, is often able to embrace the whole of reality and our world, recognizing that the sexual abuser both acted in an evil manner and is a beautiful child made in God’s image.
To put it differently, and more succinctly, seeing ourselves, others, and the world with an “either”/”or” lens leads to exclusion and harm, while seeing them with a “both”/”and” lens leads to greater love.
Let me use some more examples to illustrate this. Last year my ex-wife and I got divorced. We loved each other, but we still got divorced. Either/or thinking would say that either we loved each other and would have stayed together, or we didn’t love each other and that’s why we got divorced. Yet, I know I loved her. With that in mind life did not make sense. Time and again I asked myself: “How did we not work out when we loved each other? How? Love is the greatest force in the world, so how did we fall apart?” Either/or thinking couldn’t make sense of life. However, looking at the same picture through a different lens yields a more sensible result: My ex and I both loved each other and didn’t work.
In going through the divorce I was a “bit” emotional, to say the least. One day I found myself sitting at my desk thinking: “I’m really happy right now … and I’m also gut-wrenchingly sad too.” Again, either/or thinking wouldn’t allow this. In that frame of mind our feelings must be either positive or negative, happiness and sadness can’t exist simultaneously in us. Yet, this is a really limiting way of thinking, which couldn’t describe how I was feeling. The both/and lens shows us emotions can include both happiness and sadness simultaneously.
A significant place we see this dynamic play out in society is in the science vs. the Bible debates. The Bible’s description of creation, for instance, doesn’t literally match what science indicates is true, so of course one or the other must be right, while the other is wrong … right? Of course the world was either made in seven days several thousand years ago or billions of years ago, but that is to miss the point. The Bible isn’t a scientific document whose purpose is to list literal truths/facts (although it does contain some small-T truths/facts), it’s a story whose narrative points to bigger Truths about God, the world, and humanity in a variety of manners (poetry, ancient history, prophecy, visions, etc.). Science and the Bible/spirituality/religion both speak truths about life and the world. Truth is in both science and religion/spirituality. In fact, the more we learn in science the more “spiritual” reality seems to get. For instance (as I understand it), in subatomic physics there’s a concept known as entanglement, where two particles become entangled and no matter how far apart they are, what is done to one is done to the other. This is science … and it also seems quite spiritual. (For some different, but related thoughts you can check out this blog: http://daviddflowers.com/2014/09/29/dark-matter-vs-dark-energy-war-in-the-heavens/)
Another place where both/and thinking becomes helpful is in regard to the presence of God. Generally speaking we can’t/don’t see, hear, feel, or smell God. However, the Bible tells us that God is always present with us, that the Divine is everywhere. We can’t see or hear God, so “obviously” the Creator isn’t here right? Yet we also experience God in a baby’s smile or a deep breath that calms us down or a feeling of peace that mysteriously descends on us or … In other words, God is both hidden from us and present with us.
Related to this is the whole Christian concept of God as the Trinity. We believe there is one God. And we believe God is three Persons. God is one and three? How is that possible? Something must either be one OR three … right? However, both/and thinking helps us see God is both singularity and multiplicity.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. Some days it’s hard to believe in God, it’s hard to trust God, it’s hard to have faith. When we lose our job, our kid, our marriage, our parent, our grandparent, our sibling, our house, and go through other traumas it’s hard to believe that there’s a “good” God who is the Creator and Ruler of everything. Yet, either/or thinking argues that we must either have believe in God and have faith … or we don’t. There’s no room for doubt in either/or thought. Conversely, a both/and mentality allows faith to hold and include both belief and disbelief in God. (You can read some related thoughts here: http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com/2014/10/faith-as-quantum-superposition.html)
When we view the world in terms of either/or, we naturally divide the world into two categories: 1) Good guys (i.e. “our” team) or 2) Bad guys (i.e. anyone not “our” team). Consider college football for example. Most every big university has an arch-rival (UCLA vs. USC, Standford vs. Cal-Berkley, Washington State University vs. University of Washington, Auburn vs. University of Alabama, Texas A&M vs. University of Texas, etc.). And when we’re a fan of one of those schools, we are basically required to dislike the other school. It’s either UW or WSU … period. No exceptions. Now broaden this. U.S. political lines are quite divided between Republicans and Democrats, Republicans think Democrats are dummies and vice-versa. Or think about wars. We generally only go to war with people who’ve we defined as in the category of “bad” guys. Psychologically speaking, to stay sane we pretty much always have to define a person/people group as “other” and “bad” in order to kill them. They were either good or bad, and we defined them as bad. However, Jesus blows either/or thinking apart when it comes to our “enemies.” The Christ invites us to love everyone in the world, which requires we stop dividing/defining people as good guys or bad guys. Jesus invites us to view others with a both/and mentality: Love encompasses both our friends/family and our enemies.
Perhaps the most profound and beautiful aspect of both/and thinking comes in regard to God, salvation, faith, and following Christ. God loves us all … period. God could never love any of us more or less. NOTHING is required of us to be accepted, loved, and saved by God. HOWEVER, the unconditional love and embrace of God will NOT leave us the same. Being unconditionally loved and accepted by God lifts the pressure to perform and achieve from us … which frees us to progressively transform into the best versions of ourselves. In following Christ both nothing is required of us, AND we will give our whole lives and be transformed.
I’ve found that “both”/”and” are powerful words that help make sense of the world. What do you think?
If you enjoyed the blog you can sign up on the right for email notifications for future blogs I write, or check out the most recent blogs here. Also, I have a Facebook site named “Beautiful and Broken Becoming Beautiful” where I post encouraging words on living love that I’d love for you to “like.”
Grace and peace,
Lang
If Grace is an Ocean We're All Drowning 
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